1. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
2. Your child’s name is Yirgacheffe.
3. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
4. You’ve built a mini Colosseum out of little plastic stirrers.
5. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to refer to beer.
6. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
7. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
8. You speed walk in your sleep.
9. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
10. Your lover uses soft lighting, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.